Chapter 3: Nick's

Somehow the ancient VW microbus didn't quite cut it for this evening's date, so he'd rented something a little more fun. On Tuesday evening, Steve pulled up at Jenny's duplex in a bright red Mazda RX-7. It occurred to him that possibly he needed a newer car, and should make the investment. Somewhat nervous about this evening, he was preoccupied with what he'd say to Jenny as he walked up to the front door of her duplex. She surprised him by coming out of the door before he made it half way up the walk.

"Good evening Steve," she said brightly. "Hold on a second while I lock up," and she turned around to bolt the door. His attention was drawn to what she was wearing for the evening. Jenny had selected her clothes carefully. Not as blatant as Mrs. Emmons', but she wanted her ensemble to serve notice that Michelle wasn't the only attractive woman in town. It succeeded.

Steve managed to greet her with an even voice. "Good evening Jenny. I'm impressed with your punctuality."

She laughed. He could get used to hearing that sound. "Something I learned from the Genie. Is that your car?" she said, stopping to admire the new sports car in her driveway.

"Yes, yes it is. I mean, no, it's a rental car that I picked up, it's ours for the evening. Somehow I thought you'd prefer going to a nice restaurant a large distance away in this rather than the old bus. Besides, it's quieter and we can talk."

Going over to the passenger door, she waited for him to open it. It took a second, but he figured it out. Steve was a bright young man. "We could have taken my Cobra, but I guess the 302 doesn't exactly make conversation easy either, does it. Thanks" she said, gracefully slipping into the passenger seat. Closing her door, he went around to the other side of the car and got in.

Leaving Corvallis behind, they headed north on 99W up the broad Willamette valley. The day was perfect, clear skies and long evening shadows. The hills were golden with corn and tall brown grasses of various grains. At first they chatted about nothing in particular, just the informal patter of a couple at the outset of a date with a long evening ahead to indulge in. The experience reminded Steve of his epiphany while windsurfing, which he began to share with Jenny.

"Yes, it would be wonderful to buy a place out here, Jenny. You know, I had the most incredible experience windsurfing on Sunday. The wind was perfect, the sun was shining, and the board was set up perfectly. Bill really taught me a lot about preparation. In the middle of it, life seemed to come together all at once out in the middle of the river, and, it was wild, it felt like.. well, it felt like life was wonderful and couldn't get any better. I could have sworn time stood still once while I was hanging in the air. Do you know what I mean?" he ended lamely.

She smiled warmly, looking over at him. "Yes Steve, I think I know what you mean. A fit of joy. To tell you the truth, this ride has been one for me."

Too much candlepower in that smile, though. Steve almost lost control of the Mazda going around a gentle bend in the road. It wasn't so much in reaction to that high wattage smile as it was in sympathetic response to her sentiments. This evening was indeed starting out well.

But for him there was a catch, a dark cloud, that he had to address. Trying to think how to bring that up occupied his mind for the next few miles. Probably best to just plunge in and get it over with.

"Jenny," he said, "I need to tell you something about myself that isn't very pleasant, and will probably put some degree of dampening on this beautiful evening. I have to tell you about this so that you'll understand me better, and why I have done some of the things I've done."

"All right, Steve" she replied, straightening up a little and giving him her full attention. "Shoot."

"You may want to do the shooting before I'm finished. Listen, last week when we all went to play pool, I was rude to you."

Jenny arched an eyebrow, as if to say "Oh, you noticed?"

"No, let me finish. Look, Jenny, I've never been prepared to look out for anyone but myself. My parents, my schooling, my friends, the shows I watch, and the company we work for all tell me to look out for number one, to avoid getting entangled, to break the old rules, to be free. They taught me there isn't really any such thing as altruism, or unselfish love. I've always been pretty good at looking after myself. Now, since I've meet you, this nice clear way of looking at the world has been getting muddled. I am delighted to be in your company. But I also begin to feel that nothing else carries much of a torch to being around you, which means... I've lost some of my ability to be independent. If I need you to be really, really happy then how am I going to live a life independent of you? So, anyway, I felt bewildered and silly. I fell back on old patterns, to see if I couldn't find happiness again in all the things I've always done. You know, hang out with the gang, play ultimate, windsurf, that sort of thing."

"Apparently Michelle decided she didn't want me to depend on you either. It seems she's pretty attached to a totally independent, accept no limits, take-pleasure-where-it's-found kind of a world view. And she's very, uh, distracting physically. So... she was waiting for me and I was glad to see her. It lead to ignoring you and paying her entirely too much attention that night. I'm very sorry." He paused. "I wanted to prove that I could enjoy life without you, that I was still independent and in no need of anyone else. So I willingly went along, and I experienced the same old pleasures that are always there, within a woman. I was proud of myself for being so strong, so untamable."

Jenny was listening to all this with growing shock. She'd expected to cautiously move around this subject all night, to bury Michelle's influence with her own. Now?

She had to admire him for being so up front, and honest. This was ridiculous, though.

Fortunately she didn't have to say anything as Steve continued. "Bill and I had several conversations on Sunday and now I'm not so sure I was 'untamable'. In fact, I think I was just used by Mrs. Emmons, and even if that isn't true I was only using her. Earlier, somebody was using somebody in my time with Sachico, though I'm not really sure who. Probably both of us. Bill, somehow, got me to think about life beyond thirty, and the life I'm leading is going no place fast. I want what my parents have, Jenny." Looking over at her, he could see the rigidity of her cheekbones, and he knew this wasn't going to go smoothly. What had possessed him to go into this? But it was too late now. Might as well finish up and take what comes.

"They grew up expecting life long commitment, knowing they'd find it, the whole 'Prince Charming' and 'Sleeping Beauty' shtick. Yet they, and everyone else their age, derided it and attempted to escape the inevitable. They taught me it wasn't possible, and until just now, in the last couple days, I've never even considered it at all seriously, just an obsolete idea from an impossibly primitive, naive society. Your well known insistence on marriage before sex has always been thought of as bizarre by almost everyone I know, male and female. How did you escape what we've all been taught?" Increasingly, Steve felt he was pushing personal boundaries that Jenny may not want to talk about. This was only their second real date. Desperate for another subject, he said the first thing that came to mind.

"By the way, did you know that Bill intends to marry Cindy?"

Why he said that wasn't clear at all, but it broke through to Jenny, who was getting lost in her own reverie. "What?" she said.

"Bill is getting ready to ask Cindy to marry him" he said, rushing on, committed to this new track. He was nervous. "Isn't that the most amazing thing? He believes that it's possible for two people to commit to each other for life, and to like it. Not only that, he is certain that he and Cindy can do it, and will be better for doing it. And you know what? I'm beginning to see things that way myself." There, he'd ended up tying the two subjects together, and said all he had intended to say tonight. Of course, they hadn't even reached Amity yet.... this really was going to be an interesting dinner. He looked over at her again.

Tears were flowing down Jenny's cheeks, though she tried to keep them back. Many streams of thought were running together in her mind. Good for Cindy! Hurrah for Bill! But most of all, she was profoundly moved by the realization that Steve really had learned something about love and commitment, and he was looking to her for forgiveness. She couldn't say anything for fear of bursting out completely. It would take a few miles before she had herself under control.

Mom had certainly pegged the cold feet part right.

In the meantime, Steve sat in silence, watching the quiet valley flow past. And feeling like an idiot. "Now what, buckwheat? Maybe you should volunteer to turn around and take her home. Or maybe you should just stay quiet for the rest of the evening? How about letting her decide the next move. Just keep driving, maybe you'll think of some way to salvage this whole date. And it started out so nicely. You should have just avoided the whole Michelle subject." Right at the moment he wished Michelle and Sachico had never been born.

But he knew he couldn't have avoided the subject for any length of time. Why? Because love was real. Funny how that thought had never had any weight with him before. Now it dominated his outlook on life. His best chance in life for love was sitting next to him in this car, and Michelle was somehow sitting right between them. They had to get rid of her if he was ever going to experience and share the joy of life with Jenny. At the moment he wanted nothing else. Thus, it had to be dealt with.

Pulling into McMinnville, Jenny was calm enough to talk without undue emotion. "Dinner is going to be interesting Steve. We have a lot to discuss. How long does a meal here take?"

Relieved, Steve answered "Around 4-5 hours, depending on what is being served. Nick's is a real Italian restaurant, and dinner is served in the continental style. The meal is designed to accommodate long conversations. It'll be perfect."

Jenny smiled a little, and nodded. "Yes, Steve, I think it might be."

The restaurant certainly didn't look like much from the outside. It was really just an old downtown storefront in the very small downtown of a very small city. But inside, the ambiance was indeed just what they were looking for, and they took a seat in a private booth. After being seated and ordering their drinks, Jenny began the conversation.

"So, Steve, tell me how having a fling with Mrs. Emmons leads you to believe in commitment." She said it with something of a twinkle in her eye, which Steve picked up on. The twinkle would not have been there with that statement at the outset of the evening.

Steve couldn't ever remember looking at a more beautiful woman. The setting, the light in this restaurant were perfect for her. It took real effort to focus his thoughts. "Well, Jenny, it seems to me that I'm learning what's important in life. Michelle served as a great anti-example for my discussion with Bill. He pointed out that we prepare, we live, and we die. If we don't prepare, our lives will simply be the result of whatever random forces buffet us about, like Michelle, and the chances of a happy life are reduced. Of course, it all ends anyway, but living happily is better than living sadly. The most remarkable thing about what I've learned recently, and I owe this to you and to Bill, the most remarkable thing is the importance of love and the possibility of living joyfully. I've never understood, before. Love always seemed an abstraction and a bit of a dodge, rather inane actually, something employed by one party to get something out of another. I can't put it into words, but somehow I'm certain it's at the base of all life, all real life that is, life worth living at any rate. You fit in, Jenny, because I can't imagine love in my life without you." There, he said it. Actually, he'd thought it would take a month or two to get that far along. Why were things moving so much faster than he'd planned?

Jenny said nothing for a minute, then replied. "Steve, I can't tell you how delighted I am that you've gone from being mildly curious about me to needing me to live in the course of two dates and a fling" she deadpanned. They looked at each other for a second, then burst out laughing.

The waitress brought their first course at that point, smiling at them and saying "I'm glad to see that you are enjoying yourselves here so much. Please enjoy our first course, I'll return in a while with the second. Do you need any more to drink?" Since they did not, she turned and moved on about her job.

They laughed again. "OK, Steve, now really, if we're going to get through this together we've got to be a little more serious" Jenny said. Her face clouded. "You and I seem to be moving along rapidly, don't you think? I disagree with Bill, and you, on a couple points. Life doesn't have to end, and it isn't pointless. But I agree very much that it can be lived joyfully. Maybe I should tell you what I know about that evening at the pool hall. I'm glad you see that she was a trap waiting to spring, though I wish you hadn't been such a sucker for the bait. You were right about Michelle. She did have the whole thing planned: she told me, defiantly, two days before it happened. I could have told you, I suppose, but would you have believed me? And, with no commitment between us, I wasn't sure there was any point to telling you. It all sounded so fantastic."

Steve interjected "No, actually Jenny, I probably wouldn't have accepted what you had to say. At the time I was pulling back from you, remember? But you must believe that I am sorry."

Jenny smiled a little, and went on. "I believe you Steve. It did hurt, tremendously, you know. I should just forget you and move on. And, really, you could find someone else who'd make you happy, and I might be able to as well. But somehow, I just don't want to. Like you, I want what my parents have, even though they seem to think it is as common as mud. In trying to deal with all this, I went on a little journey of my own. Do you know where I was while you were wind surfing?"

"No."

"Guess."

"Hiking?"

"No."

"At the coast?"

"No."

Steve thought for a moment. Remembering Bill's story about a girl following him on the river, he guessed "Wind surfing?"

"No! That is something you like doing. I'll watch. Steve, I went with Nancy to church on Sunday morning." She let that sink in for a second.

"Church? What were you doing there?" Steve asked, with some bewilderment. This didn't seem like an opportune time to take a tangent into religion. Theology was an interesting subject and all, but he'd just discovered love, and he desperately wanted to share that discovery with her, wanted her to understand. It looked like Jenny was, inexplicably, going to go along. Now why would she want to bring faith into it? What could that possibly have to do with love?

"I was praying for guidance. And again, I think you and Bill are wrong about what is important. Jesus said there are two things in life that are the most important, loving God and loving your neighbor as much as you love yourself. If I wasn't a believer, I'd recast that to be loving the Truth and sharing love with those around us, which is closer to what you said. And you know something? I think I can learn a lot from Nancy's pastor. I think we can learn a lot from him. Tonight I want us to discuss that."

It was Steve's turn to be stunned. Jesus? Truth? Everyone knows there is no god, no truth... but then, everyone also knows there is no love. How many times had he heard that there was no altruism? Nuts. Love he would now stand and defend, but Truth? Or even worse, God?! Was he ready to talk about this? Would he ever be ready? This evening was getting far off track. Once again, he wasn't in control.

Jenny could see the confusion on his face, and said "Steve, I know this seems like a weird thing to bring up, but then again earlier I thought it was kind of weird that the first real subject of conversation you'd bring up was an affair with Michelle!"

She smiled again, a full smile, and Steve gave up. He'd follow the conversation wherever she wanted to take it, just as long as he could sit here and look at her beautiful face. Hah! He was turning into such a sap, and he knew it.

She continued. "I think, though, I understand why it was important. She has, in her own warped way, served as the catalyst for all of this, your epiphany and mine. She is so clearly evil, so dark, that she makes it easier to see what is good. I am really angry with her, yet in some small way I'm happy she got me to look beyond myself."

Steve regained his voice. "Well, that Michelle is evil I think I can agree with whole heartedly. She seems completely lacking in love for anyone, even herself. I think you put it very well, in fact. But what has that to do with church?"

She smiled, looked at Steve with her best imitation dumb blond expression, which was particularly impressive given her dark hair, and said "See if you can work it out for me, big boy."

Steve felt an uncontrollable surge of male ego flash through him. He begin to suspect that Michelle wasn't the only female on the planet who could manipulate a man. Jenny was so blatant about it though, it was unnerving.

"All right, let us assume that you are a logical person, and you've arrived at this connection between love and church in some reasonable fashion. You do, after all, have that mathematics degree. You must have learned something there about rigorous thought. I, with my superior MIT engineering education and my intimacy with your thoughts, should be able to re-create your logic."

"Hah" she retorted. Jenny was pleased. It was going to be fun watching him wriggle like a worm on a hook.

"So, let's see. I have learned, and now believe, that selfless love does in fact exist. So what does that mean?" He furrowed his brow. Love exists? What does that do to the universe. Anything? "If love exists, there is meaning to life. Why? I mean, it is definitely possible to be in a loveless condition. Just because love exists doesn't mean it is always present! The meaning in life comes from finding and sharing love. So how would church have anything to do with all this?"

"Wait, wait now, let me keep going. I cannot prove love from first principles; it seems to be a first principle itself. In which case, it represents a simple truth in and of itself, just by existing. As the relationship between mass, acceleration, and force expressed by the equation F = m*a is the basic fact from which almost all of mechanical engineering derives, love is the basic fact from which we derive life. From the existence of love it follows that there must be Truth, since the basic fact of love's existence means there is something abstract which is really there, and yet cannot be proven by investigation with the scientific method, as the force equation can. That's rather remarkable, really. I wonder why no one ever pointed this out to me before?"

Jenny listened.

"OK, so if there is Truth, there is falsehood, and there must be someone who knows, who is the source of goodness? Who's to know what is good and what is bad? Someone must. If so, then there would have to be a god."

"Could man be that god? Possibly. Our company, after all, claims that 'man is the measure of all things', and our company was founded by two very bright men. So, maybe man is god." He paused, looking at Jenny, which was a mistake under the circumstances. Sometimes looking at her scrambled his thoughts.

She smiled a little, and encouraged him to go on. "I've known a few men who thought they were gods. You aren't finished yet, though. Many men, many ideas. Billy Graham and Hillary Clinton probably don't see all moral issues in the same light. So how could 'man be the measure of all things', the source of all that is good?"

Her prodding was effective, and he returned to his musing. "You made me lose my train of thought for a second. Let's see now, where was I. Love exists independent of whether man exists. Therefore Truth exists independently. Because of that, I suppose man could hardly be the source of Truth. It would indeed take a god. He couldn't be the source without being all powerful could he? If true, he'd have to be God with a capital G. And you worship this God with other people who know Him in church. Hmm. Fascinating." Steve had never addressed this before logically. He found it more than a little frightening, and went back over the argument carefully. Could one really know the existence of God and Truth from knowing that there was love? He was certain there was a flaw somewhere, and he doubted his logic, but he couldn't find a reasonable problem with the train of thought. It was all based on his knowledge of unselfish love, of the existence of altruism.

Jenny nodded approvingly. She was actually quite impressed; some worm. He'd jumped write off the hook and grabbed the pole. Maybe they did teach a thing or two about thinking at MIT. "Not bad, Steve. You might make a mathematician some day. But you haven't derived Jesus from God yet. Jesus is kind of important for Christianity."

Steve smiled. "I guess I flunk, teach. I really can't see how you can make the jump from God to Jesus logically."

"Well, we'll leave that aside for now, you've had a busy day." She smiled and patted his hand. "You can try again some other day for the A grade. So far, you're doing good B minus work."

"B minus?! I beg your pardon. But seriously, Jenny, this has important, even radical consequences. I've got to tell Bill. He's the closest thing I know to a philosopher, and I don't think he believes in God. I've heard him deny being a Christian, at any rate. He may be able to point out a flaw in the argument."

"Trust me, Steve, Bill doesn't know everything, though I will admit he's pretty bright. It takes some courage to admit that you aren't 'captain of your soul, master of your own fate' you know. Bill may not have had to face that yet. You and I have taken a different path. He may still be trying to rule in hell" she finished.

"Rule in hell? What do you mean by that" he said, curious.

"It's part of a line from Milton. After being thrown from heaven to hell with his demons, the Devil tries to rally his forces by telling them it's better to 'Rule in hell than serve in heaven'. He was, of course, lying."

"That line's from Milton? And the devil says it? I've heard that line a hundred times, and always thought it was great, you know, the ultimate show of independence, the ultimate in inner strength. It comes from the mouth of the devil shortly after he's been thrown in Hell?" he finished. What a concept. Yet prideful independence had recently been shown to be evil in the sense that it separated him from love.... couldn't be.

"OK, so maybe I'll listen to Bill carefully and not just take what he says willy nilly. Yeah, but Jesus, I don't know about. Lots of people used to believe in him, but does anyone really believe that stuff anymore? Our society has advanced so far, Jenny. I mean, philosophy is great in the abstract, and I really think I'm learning something now, but Jesus H Christ?"

A little irritated, Jenny replied "Steve, roughly a billion people believe in Jesus. Oregon happens to be one of the states with the lowest church attendance in the country, and Washington state is the other one. You might get the impression that very few people believe 'that stuff', as you put it, living here. But more than a fifth of the global population believes it and that includes some of the best minds there are. In fact, when you get a chance, look up Sir Isaac Newton's thoughts on the subject. I think he was the one who came up with your precious F = m*a formula, wasn't he? In a way, the founder of your entire technical discipline?"

"Well, yes, in fact he was. Was he a Christian?" This was a bit bewildering for Steve, and his face belied the fact that he didn't believe it.

"God exists, Steve, as I think you are beginning to suspect, and Jesus is Lord of the Universe. Deal with it." Jenny sat back and looked at him, surprised at her own vehemence.

The second course arrived. The waitress had caught Jenny's last, but didn't mention it. While collecting the first and passing out the second course plates, she chattered about the lighting in the restaurant and the quality of the dinner the chef was preparing. As she left the table, she thought how odd this couple was. She'd overheard several serious discussions in her tenure here, but they almost all involved money or love. It was rare indeed to overhear a religious discussion, and Jenny's statement had never been uttered in this shop before to her knowledge. She wished them well as she delivered their soiled dishes to the kitchen.

"Jenny, that is no way to prove anything. Merely positing a statement doesn't make it true."

"You're right, Steve, you are right. But I believe it is true, so I'm not merely positing it, though I guess that doesn't make a great proof, does it? The facts about Sir Isaac, though, are very easy to look up. He was indeed a serious Christian scholar. In fact, it may be said that his faith was the foundation of his science."

This was hard for Steve to believe. "I'll check in to that. I'd bet, though, that if he was a Christian he was one of the few scientists who ever were. Now, lets go back and see if there is any way to jump from the existence of God to Jesus Christ having some role. You go ahead."

Jenny was a little desperate all of a sudden. She hadn't really expected the conversation to get this far, and wasn't prepared.

She tried to lighten the moment by saying "Well, Steve, I've never been this far with a man before. I don't know quite where to begin." It elicited the desired smile from him.

As she looked down at her salad, she realized that she was somewhat confused as to who Jesus really was. Her church taught that he was a son of God, and that Satan was another. The two had argued about the proper way to handle mankind, Christ won, and Satan had opposed Him since then. She was vaguely aware that other Christian churches took a different view of Christ, but wasn't really very clear on what it was.

Steve saw her hesitation, and wondered. This wasn't just a logical exercise, she was serious about this Jesus stuff. What did that portend for their relationship? Trouble, no doubt. It didn't change the fact that she was important to him, or that love surrounded them. How embarrassing, and how typical. Steve was beginning to realize that love was going to put a serious crimp on how he lived his life. He had a momentary urge to rebel, to get up and leave the restaurant and Jenny behind. Heck with it. She'd find some other chump to dominate and he'd be free, like he had been. Without love.

She looked up, and he looked into her brown eyes again. Well, maybe he should hang around for a bit, anyway, just to hear what she had to say. Just to watch her hair move as she talked.

Steve wasn't going anywhere.

"Look, I don't have an adequate answer for your question. I think your logic in going from the existence of love to the existence of God was essentially correct. But to go from God to Jesus we have to know something more, and I'm just not certain enough of myself to get you there. I have some hints, though, that I think are valid."

"Jesus was a real person, he really existed. Of that there is very little doubt. Essentially, if you believe Julius Caesar existed, you have to believe Jesus existed in order to be intellectually honest. Also, if there really is only one God, then at least the Jews were worshipping Him. Whether they were right in their comprehension of Him is, of course, something to explore, but they were the only people at the time limiting their worship to one God. According to the Bible, Jesus claims to be the Son of God, to be one with the Father, the God of the Jews. The accuracy of His prophesies and the claims of His disciples to have seen him risen from the dead, their willingness to die for their claims, are strong evidence for His divinity."

"Now, of course, we are leaving the realm of purely reasonable speculation and entering into history, or empirical evidence, with all the perils of corrupt data to interfere with our understanding. But there is a long, historical record from that day to this to back it up, so it isn't totally ridiculous to believe."

Steve answered, "Granted, it isn't totally ridiculous. As you say, there are a billion believers in the world, and they tend to be the billion better educated and fed portion of the populace to boot. But why would God have a Son? And why would the Son allow Himself to be crucified? I mean, it hurt. If I was God, I wouldn't hurt like that. Not for anything."

Jenny could handle at least that question. "Well, fortunately, you aren't God." She smiled wryly. "He suffered for us, that we shouldn't have to pay the consequences of our sin, the evil that we do. Haven't you ever done any evil?"

Steve cleared his throat. "I thought we already went over that."

Jenny smiled. "Yes, we did. But in answer to why he suffered, I thought I'd gently remind you of your contribution one more time."

Steve hoped it would be the last time.

Jenny continued, thinking out loud now. "And as for God hurting, don't you think the source of all goodness, of everything that is right, would suffer pain when confronted with evil? I suppose He could just snuff out all of us who are evil. But would He still be the source of all goodness? Maybe, but I don't think so. God doesn't tolerate, but he forgives. He forgave by dying on the cross for you, and for me, and for everyone."

"Anyway, that is what I believe to be the ultimate reality, the absolute Truth. It's love that I believe in, really, isn't it? I mean, when you love someone, you sacrifice for them. Being the source of love, He loves us to the death."

This made Steve thoughtful. Was what she said right? Was He the source of love? Was there a source of love?

The third course arrived. The waitress worked in silence this time, seeing that they were both pensive. Being a Christian herself, she said a silent prayer for them. Hope the boss didn't find out.

Going back to his earlier train of thought, Steve wondered whether there needed to be a source of love. Could love just exist? Could it just be an evolved sense, part of the dance of atoms? What would be the evolutionary advantage to giving of yourself? That Man who'd died on a cross so long ago hadn't even had any children; that certainly wasn't an evolutionary advantage, now was it. On the other hand, His act had lead to the formation of the Christian church somehow, and in a way He had billions of children. Hmm.

Then he looked at Jenny again, listening to him, focused on him. He remembered his experience on the river Sunday morning. No, love couldn't just be another part of the dance of atoms. It didn't make cold, rational sense. It was somehow above that, simple and yet more important.

So, there had to be God, a source of love.

"All right, Jenny, I just ran it again and I come to the same conclusion, that there must be a God. And I'll admit that Jesus has some connection with love, which is playing the central role in my belief. So, I suppose, you and I should learn more about Him, to understand what He had to say. I know enough about Buddha and the Shinto faith to know that they make better sense, but they lack this element of love. I know nothing of the Muslims, but since you're Christian we'll tackle that first. Fair enough?"

Jenny's eyes moistened. Sudden, important conclusions tended to affect her that way. This evening was going so splendidly. "Yes, Steve, it is fair enough."

"Where should we go for more information on Jesus? University library? I have a card, we could borrow...."

"Steve, I think to learn something about Jesus you might want to go to a church."

"Oh, well, I suppose. But they have all those people we don't even know, and, I don't know, it just seems weird. I mean, what if they ask us to handle snakes or something?"

Jenny laughed, a merry sound that would forever ring in Steve's ears when he thought of this night. "Don't worry, Steve. I think you maybe watch a little too much OPB. Mormon's don't do that, and neither do Presbyterians, which is where I want you to come with me next Sunday. I don't think we should go to my church, at least not at first. I've found a preacher who speaks more clearly on the subject of simple Truth and how it relates to Jesus. There will be time enough to teach you the latter day revelations if you find what pastor Andersen has to say interesting." Besides, she was afraid the "moderate" leader of her ward wouldn't be able to put up an intellectually honest defense of the faith. No point in bringing that up at the moment, though. One thing at a time.

Steve thought about it. Surely mom wouldn't object to his visiting a Presbyterian church? He could always call and see what she thought, but he was vaguely aware that the Presbyterians were connected with Yale or Princeton or something, very ivy league. They must be the right sort. The he suddenly realized what he was getting in to. Sunday! Why, that was one of his two weekend days! He'd have to give up something to chase this. Looking over at Jenny, he was about to object, but seeing her happy face made him less certain. How long could this take? So he'd have to give up a few Sunday mornings, so what? He'd find the flaw in all this PDQ, and then he and Jenny would have every Sunday free to enjoy life together. Fine.

"OK, it's a deal. Next Sunday, the Presbyterian church. Just don't let anyone else know, OK? If anyone found out I was going to church, I'd be a laughing stock." Raising his wine glass, he said "A toast to the Presbyterians! May their logic match mine."

Jenny raised her sparkling apple cider in salute. "Amen."

After taking a sip, she put down her glass and said, "Steve, who are you worried will laugh at you? And why?"

"Well, you know, just about everyone at work. I mean, the boomers all know that this stuff is nonsense and they'll think I'm nuts, or coming down with bigotosis or something. It would be easier if we kept this quiet."

Jenny snorted. "Who cares about those oldsters? I mean, why do you care? They've ruined things for themselves and for us with their ideas about the death of God, and I for one have less and less use for their opinions on anything. Look at the idiot President they scrounged up! Look at their divorce, their drug use, their AIDS. They're losers Steve."

"Yeah, but they have a lot of boomer wannabe's that follow them around slavishly. Most of our friends, for instance. In fact, I was one of them a week ago. Do you want to be friendless?"

"Don't be such a wimp. We won't be friendless. We'll have each other if nothing else. Take a chance, take a risk, see the other side."

Steve chuckled. "My section manager is always saying stuff like that. I said I'd do it, remember? But maybe you're right. We won't hide it. But we won't advertise it either, OK?"

And they hadn't even gotten to the main course yet. Young people can be so impetuous.